this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
