Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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