What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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