fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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