I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
