I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
