Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
