What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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