I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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