How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
