I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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