people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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