I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
