Cold hands, warm shart.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
bring money and cleavage
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry about my life...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
