i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
as a side note pls kill me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
