Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
