You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
