i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
