he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
