I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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