What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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