I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
