dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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