I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
