Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
