I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
