So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
