I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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