i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
