You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
