Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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