Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
