Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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