I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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