he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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