i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
