I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I believe in your delicious
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
