Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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