bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
