I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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