Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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