i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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