I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
