Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
