I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
