Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
