Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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