The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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