god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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