After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
