If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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