I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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