I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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