HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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