jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
