weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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