just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
