God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
