Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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