I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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