He is an equal opportunity slut.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
