then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
